100 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes

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Valentine’s Day is all about love, laughter, and creating beautiful memories with the ones who mean the most. While flowers and chocolates are classic ways to express your feelings, adding a touch of humour to your heartfelt gestures can make your Valentine’s celebration truly unforgettable. Whether you’re writing a card, planning a speech, or simply sharing a laugh with your loved one, these 100 funny Valentine’s Day quotes will bring smiles all around.

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Valentine's Day Quote

Funny and Witty

  1. "Love is being stupid together." – Paul Valéry
  2. "You can’t put a price tag on love, but if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale."
  3. "If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
  4. "Valentine’s Day is the one day I remind my significant other I exist by buying flowers."
  5. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I ordered takeout, because cooking is too."
  6. "You stole my heart, but I’ll let you keep it. No refunds!"
  7. "Happy Valentine’s Day! Now let’s go pretend to enjoy a crowded restaurant."
  8. "Chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is?"
  9. "If we weren’t married, I’d swipe right on you."
  10. "My love for you is like a candle. It might burn out, but let’s hope it doesn’t set the house on fire."
Valentine's Day Quote

Clever Puns

  1. "You make my heart pop like champagne."
  2. "You’ve got pizza my heart!"
  3. "I’m nuts about you!"
  4. "We’re mint to be!"
  5. "You’re one in a melon."
  6. "I love you berry much."
  7. "Let’s taco 'bout how much I love you."
  8. "You’re the cheese to my macaroni."
  9. "Olive you so much!"
  10. "You’re egg-cellent, Valentine!"
Valentine's Day Quote

For Singles

  1. "Valentine’s Day: The one holiday where being single is officially frowned upon."
  2. "Single? No problem! Just call it ‘Wine and Chocolate Day.’"
  3. "Who needs a Valentine when you have Wi-Fi and snacks?"
  4. "Cupid is just a fancy way to say 'archery enthusiast.'"
  5. "Valentine’s Day: Because nothing says love like overpriced flowers and chocolate."
  6. "I’m single because I enjoy my own company. Also, I refuse to share fries."
  7. "Relationship status: Crushing on my couch."
  8. "If you’re single this Valentine’s Day, don’t worry. You’re not alone. You have pizza."
  9. "Why be someone’s Valentine when you can be Netflix’s most loyal viewer?"
  10. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m single and awesome. How about you?"
Valentine's Day Quote

Sarcastic Love

  1. "I love you more than my phone… and that’s saying something."
  2. "Marriage is just texting each other, 'Do we need anything from the store?' until one of you dies."
  3. "You’re my favourite person to argue with."
  4. "Thanks for being my emergency contact."
  5. "Love is sharing your popcorn… sometimes."
  6. "Happy Valentine’s Day! Let’s celebrate our weirdness together."
  7. "If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber."
  8. "I love you more than coffee, but not always before coffee."
  9. "Being in love means never having to say, 'I want to watch something else on Netflix.'"
  10. "You’re the reason I don’t need Google for random facts anymore."
Valentine's Day Quote

Classic Jokes

  1. "What did the calculator say to the Valentine? You can count on me!"
  2. "Why did the skeleton break up with his Valentine? He didn’t have the guts!"
  3. "What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!"
  4. "What did one lightbulb say to the other? I love you watts and watts!"
  5. "What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day? Lots of hogs and kisses!"
  6. "How did the French chef propose? With an onion ring!"
  7. "Why do scientists date on Valentine’s Day? They’re always experimenting with chemistry."
  8. "What did one bee say to the other? I love bee-ing with you!"
  9. "What kind of flowers should you never give on Valentine’s Day? Cauliflowers!"
  10. "Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? They’ll dessert you."
Valentine's Day Quote

Cynical Takes

  1. "Valentine’s Day: Proof that love is an expensive hobby."
  2. "I don’t need a Valentine; I need a vacation."
  3. "Why celebrate love one day a year when you can annoy each other all year round?"
  4. "Happy Valentine’s Day to my wallet—RIP."
  5. "Love is in the air? Must be pollen."
  6. "Roses are red, violets are blue, Valentine’s is overrated, and so are you."
  7. "The real question is: Does my cat love me back?"
  8. "Valentine’s Day is just a warm-up for clearance chocolate sales."
  9. "Cupid works hard, but my therapist works harder."
  10. "Love is patient, love is kind, love is… expensive."
Valentine's Day Quote

Playful Compliments

  1. "You must be made of copper and tellurium because you’re Cu-Te!"
  2. "You’re like a cloud: fluffy, amazing, and impossible to hold on to."
  3. "Are you made of chocolate? Because you’re sweet and a little addictive."
  4. "You’re the avocado to my toast."
  5. "You’re the spark that keeps my Wi-Fi alive."
  6. "You make my dopamine levels go all silly."
  7. "Are you Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for."
  8. "You’re the reason my heart skips a beat… and my doctor is concerned."
  9. "You’re like a fine wine—getting better with time, but still making me tipsy."
  10. "You’re the key to my encryption."
Valentine's Day Quote

Pop Culture Fun

  1. "You’re the Jim to my Pam."
  2. "I love you 3000."
  3. "You’re the Baby Yoda to my Mandalorian."
  4. "We’re a match like peanut butter and jelly—iconic and sometimes messy."
  5. "You’re hotter than a pizza fresh out of the oven."
  6. "You’re my lobster." – Friends
  7. "You’re like Netflix: always there for me when I need a break from reality."
  8. "Our love is stronger than Ross and Rachel’s on-again, off-again relationship."
  9. "You’re the Dwight Schrute of my heart: unexpected and oddly perfect."
  10. "We go together like biscuits and tea."
Valentine's Day Quote


Miscellaneous

  1. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ll never let you watch season finales without me."
  2. "Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes."
  3. "We’re proof that opposites attract—and drive each other crazy."
  4. "We argue like cats and dogs but love like peanut butter and jelly."
  5. "I moustache you a question: Will you be mine?"
  6. "I love you, even when you eat the last slice of pizza."
  7. "You make my heart race like it’s double-espresso season."
  8. "You’re the reason I smile when my phone vibrates."
  9. "Let’s grow old together and still argue over how to load the dishwasher."
  10. "You’re my favourite person to accidentally match outfits with."
Valentine's Day Quote

For Couples

  1. "Happy Valentine’s Day! Let’s split the dessert because love is about compromise."
  2. "We’ve survived another Valentine’s Day, and you still like me? Wow."
  3. "Thanks for tolerating me every day, not just Valentine’s."
  4. "I love you more than I love hitting the snooze button."
  5. "You’re my better half, but don’t get cocky."
  6. "I love you enough to let you pick the movie tonight."
  7. "Thanks for being my unpaid therapist."
  8. "You’re the only person I’d share my fries with—sometimes."
  9. "You make me feel like a lottery winner, minus the money part."
  10. "We’re like peanut butter and jelly: sticky, messy, but perfect together."

From sweet puns to laugh-out-loud jokes, humour has a way of making love feel even more special. These 100 funny Valentine’s Day quotes are perfect for creating moments of joy and connection with the people you care about. So, as you share these quotes, don’t forget to add a personal touch—whether it’s a handwritten card, a heartfelt message, or a gorgeous bouquet of flowers.

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